Amidst some of my terrible dating stories have been occasional little gems. It’s a process of luck, really. The learning experience for me was noticing three behaviours that were always deal breakers for me.
Telling lies is a common way for a nervous date to get through conversations. Their motivation is obvious… they aren’t confident enough to be honest. One man lied about his height – which quickly became obvious when we met! Silly and unnecessary lies are usually about having close family ties, travel to overseas countries and what they’d been doing the past weekend. Figuring out I’ve been told lies always kills my first impressions.
Date script. A date was using date script when they said what I wanted to hear instead of saying what came naturally, using words that women normally use (e.g. look at that beautiful view), saying they are against prejudice of any kind, having unusually high indicators of emotional intelligence or even just extremely good manners. Date script is difficult to maintain over time and their real self eventually shines through.
Being selfish. When a date is acting entirely in his own interests and with no regard to others, it gives an impression that he leaves no room for discussion – he is the boss, the important person in the relationshp and the one in total control. Of course I realise some women love a man who takes charge… I’m an equal opportunity-lover, myself.
Although some women may think nothing about the above behaviours, I think they demonstrate manipulative and selfish qualities. I was fine with the guy who liked to dress in ladies clothing at home because his was a personal quality that hurt nobody. I’ve met some men who have some huge secrets that aren’t obvious right away and I’m sure men have met many women who are the same way.
Here’s a little summary of my three favourite dates.
One summer night I went on a second date to a drive-in theatre. My date had a built-in car fridge between his two front seats and opened the lid to reveal three different bottles of wine, two wine glasses, assorted cheeses and salty crackers. He asked me to select the wine I prefer, poured me a glass and we enjoyed a picnic while watching the movie. It was fun, conversational and a fantastic ice breaker. We dated for a few months.
The most memorable of all my online dates was the most beautiful man I dated (and will possibly never forget). We clicked as soon as our eyes met. Our greeting was mutually warm with an extended hug and we grinned into each other’s eyes as we both realized sparks were flying. It’s very difficult to describe these feelings because I don’t know any language for them. As we followed the waiter to our table, my date extended his hand in a gesture that asked to hold mine, and my fingers happily wove their way through his until our loose grasp connected us. We had no sooner sat down when he reached into his pocket to pull out a little electronic candle – placing it on the table between us, explaining that he wanted our first date to have some romance. His eyes shone with an inner happiness, his voice was as smooth as silk and his eyes were like large pools of glossy, melted chocolate. Truly – they sparkled with joy and (I realise this sounds lame, soppy and pathetic but there’s no mincing words) it was almost love at first sight. While we ate our meal there was hardly a moment of silence as we talked and laughed – happy to be swept into a separate dimension to everyone else at the restaurant. A group of muscians set up a band and began to play. My date’s face beamed as he asked me to dance and this gesture was the straw that broke any remaining hesitation within me – I love to dance! We dated for a few months.
The third beautiful man I often like to think back on was someone who didn’t speak date script, he spoke the real script. And it sounded natural and matter-of-fact… I swam in those emotioanlly intelligent, thoughtful and conversational words as he swam in mine. We sat talking for hours, totally captivated by one another’s stories. There was talk about the possibility of a second date but we decided to part as friends because, despite being intensely curious about one another, we were from totally different worlds. That was our only date, but we’ve kept in touch as friends.
And, humour is important. The following are some hilarious profiles, which I copied from the dating website over twelve months ago. These guys seem to be really colourful characters – though I never really had the urge to find out. I just liked their profiles.
- “I’m just looking for some company. I’ve had two broken marriages. What I’m looking for first and foremost is a good body. I’m about 6:1 tall solid build, strong. I’ve been working hard as a bricklayer my whole life. I like to eat out, I love sex and I also enjoy smoking a joint of a nighttime. Only a couple of beers. I don’t no if I’m good looking…not bad looking I suppose. I’ve only been single a short period of time. I would love to hear from you. Hopfully we can chat then maybe meet. What im looking for is a good body. Not too big. A little bit fat is ok.”
- “Looking for a lady who wants to stimulate the senses and receive the same in return without hurting anyone. A lady who enjoys wearing nice lingerie to seduce her man and feel good. A lady who is attached in the same situation as me, and bored. I need a best friend and lover who appreciates the conversation, perfume, femininity, sensuality and sexual desires of a woman who is not afraid to explore and find her desired pleasure and eroticism. A lady who is not afraid to show” [Yes, it ended there.]
- “Tall guy (5′ 11″) looking for a woman who is loving, loyal, and fun to be with and is large busted. I’m sorry but if you are size 22+ I am not the one for you.”
- “Online dating virgin looking for a babin’ cherry popper for mutual admiration, humorous and flirty banter, ultimately leading to real life anxious date. Qualities of my ideal partner.. warm, hot, compassionate, witty, funny and dangerous, exciting, creative, artistic, musical, sexy, sultry, inquisitive, relaxed, honest, self aware, confident. My reading interests: .the Age, Guardian, biogs, shantaram, dr suess, burroughs, hungry caterpillar, repair manuals, washing instructions, crosswords. My sport: cheese rolling, wife throwing, caber tossing. scrabble. Soccer, tennis, gym. Other Interests: Eating, watching, listening, art, photography, old machinery, fixing stuff, breaking stuff, old motorcycles, old cars, … seasons in the sun, sex, trying not to grow old, and a bit of self exploration.“
Shy, down to earth, bit cheeky at times. Like spending time in Library … look threw the graphic novels that r on shelf,,. I’m willin’ to give a relationship a good try , . Maybe best to get to know each other , befor its gets serious . I’m never in a rush , I can be stubbin’ at times. Really need to stop myself hunting the wrong beautiful chickens online haha. Never been on a hunni moon , but my intentions is NOT to get married , marriage is a different cup of complications if u get my drift. Oh forgot to mention I do have a licence to drive , but do not own a vehicle. Cars cost to much to run, unless I have a better wage [earn around $23,000 a year with-out tax] . Keep cool & wink wink 😉. This is what I’m lookin for: U must have a sense ov humar, be down to earth , u can be dominant, christian , have a + positive outlook on life , have a good police record! . be trust-worthy.
~ Keep smiling ~